It was a glorious morning. Hubbie didn’t wake me as he was getting ready to leave for work. Festus our geriatric cat didn’t get up this morning screaming “Let me ouwwt Let me ouwwwt”. Neither of the dogs barked or flopped or did anything to wake me, and Lewy didn’t start screaming my name. I awoke on my own, took a shower, brushed my teeth, walked the dogs, feed the birds, and poured my first cup of coffee before Lewy began to stir.
Lewy wanted coconut pie, chocolate ice cream, and blackberry preserves for breakfast. So that along with a fist full of pills and coffee was what he had. “Does this have all the necessary ingredients?” Lewy asked.
“Yes, the pie is milk and eggs, the ice cream is milk and eggs, and the preserves are fruit.” Remember the nurse said you needed to get lots of protein and calories for your feet to heal.” This satisfied Lewy enough that he finished his breakfast without anymore questions. In fact he just seemed to slow down. I wheeled him over to his recliner and with much effort got him in his chair and napping.
When the nurse arrived later in the afternoon she cleaned and dressed his feet. “The sores are doing much better Lewy”. She looked at Daddy and asked him if he had any questions.
“Am I going to get better?” I knew he was asking about his general health and not his feet. The nurse did not. “Oh sure, Lewy, we’re going to have you fixed up in no time.”
“I’m going to be OK?”…..The nurse still didn’t catch on. “Lewy, I’m going to be here every other day until we get you all fixed up. You are going to be fine.” She is very good about leaning over and looking him directly in the eyes to talk to him. “Do you understand?”
Lewy was quiet for a bit, then said, “You mean I shouldn’t just give up?”
The nurse suddenly got it. She made eye contact with me with the -what do I say? - look in her eyes. Then in just a couple of seconds turned to Lewy and said “You do what Pauline tells you to do, and I’ll be here to take care of you. You are going to be fine.” She held his hand and patted the back of it, smiling. She was a “cool liar” as Scarlet called Melanie.
I think I was wrong to tell Daddy the truth about his condition the other day. Lewy doesn’t have enough of a grasp of what’s happening to process that kind of information overload. Between the two of them, what is the point of being truthful? It serves no purpose. Telling him the truth did not help him, in fact it might have caused him to decide to die.
Hopefully, Lewy has caused Daddy to forget what I told him. Perhaps he will choose to remember what she told him instead.
Or more than likely, he will not remember either one and will ask the same question again. At least the next time I’ll know how to answer the question.
2 comments:
oldfriend said... have you considered sometimes a loved one just needs to know it is okay to let go? I don't think you were wrong to be truthful to your Daddy.
Pauline said...
Oldfriend,
Honestly, I'm not sure what I've considered. I can't focus on the eventual outcome of all of this for long enough to come to any conclusions. My brain is not yet ready to go there. But you are right, of course the only respectful thing to do is be honest with him. Its so much easier though, to tell him everything is OK.