Our nurse’s aide did not appear today. Her best friend was killed in a motorcycling accident on Sunday, and she had a patient die on Sunday. I don’t know how Hospice workers deal with death all the time. It’s bad enough to have it in your professional day, but when it gets personal on top of the professional, it must be very rough going. I could never have enough intestinal fortitude to successfully function under such circumstances.
I’m not really functioning very well just having my own little set of issues. It seems so trivial to think of my situation. I’m lucky in so many ways. But my brain is doing weird things. I know I’m teetering on the edge of a bout with depression. So if you know what it is - can you stop it from happening? Or is it just going to happen if the current situation drags on?
Now I feel guilty for the “drags on” phrase. I do keep thinking of Dr. Cutie Pie, and hope for tomorrow. Then I feel guilty even more. It is a vicious spiraling whirlpool sucking me under.
Daddy announced today that he needed to take a crap. Fine. Perhaps I should try to hoist him up and let him sit on the potty chair. Lewy thought it was a good idea anyway….
I hooked up the lift pallet; unfortunately Daddy was not centered or properly positioned to have his rump positioned to where he could use the potty seat. Silly me, I lifted him pee pad, diaper and all. I tried cutting him a hole…No, that does not work. Don’t even bother trying. It just makes a mess of internal pee pad and diaper fuzz all over the place.
I lifted him back onto the bed and did the roll over routine. I got out the old diaper just in time to see my dear old Dad’s loose muscle anal opening flap like a cartoon when he let loose some… “Wind”.
I opened the window next to his bed. Thank goodness for warm days. More wind... Now all I needed was a breeze.
As I stood back waiting for Lewy to finish, I noticed that he had crapped himself a tiny bit. This was not particularly fresh either. It had clumped into tiny radiating lines of hard poo. I sprayed him with the butt cleaning fluid and wiped. Still more there. More spray, repeat wiping. As I was doing this for the 3rd time, Lewy asked…
“Did you find anything to eat?’
“EAT!?!”
“Yeah, Did you find anything you could chew on down there?”
“No.”
Lewy was still wanting to have a bowel movement, so I thought, why not now? I have the pee pad out and the diaper off. I repositioned the lift pallet so it would catch his butt in the proper position for sitting and thinking.
The only problem was, I missed the proper positioning. Imagine now, me bent over looking up under my Dad’s butt as he was sort of hanging through the business hole of the pallet, still saying he had to go... Mostly the Boys were scrunched up on one side and his cheeks were squeezed together. If he had gone, it would have been like a Venturi carborator...forcing so much through such a small opening under intense pressure... Lewy's butt kinda looked like a rotten cantaloupe that had caved in on one side…and turned blue.
Scratch that lift and sit idea. I lifted him back into bed and got him situated and comfortable. Within seconds he was asleep. It had been a hard morning.
5 comments:
pearose said...
Walk. Take Lila and Tweak out on leashes to train them for your upcoming city life routine and city walks. As you walk, feel your heart rate increase and your body respond to the challenge - it will make you feel ALIVE! Walking relieves the symptoms of depression. You live in a beautiful country setting that begs to be walked and enjoyed.
Take advantage of the time when the hospice crew is there and use home health services on the off days. Please. Do this for you.
Stella said...
You know, Pauline, I hang onto your every word and at first you made light of even the terrible things. Did I inadvertently drag you down by wanting/needing more? If that is true, then it is time for a change. The blog does not need to be about every move our Dear Mr Lewy makes, how about either writing once in a while or if the mood strikes, tell us what someone else in your life did that make you happy or another emotion. Remember how you felt? How you laughed? Or a teacher that did strange things, or something that happened on the way to church. I'm laughing now about a family who lived down the road from us. It was a family of three girls and one brother. Some of the things they did to that poor little boy... He had on a pair of white starched trousers... stiff as could be ... his mother wanted him to be pretty for the "Sword Drill". those girls told him if he sat in the car the pants would break. He walked the mile to church up and down the hills and around the curve and over the bridge. He did arrive in time with the giggling girls waiting for him. How cruel was that????!!!!
Pauline said...
Stella...How could you have possibly brought me down? It's not your butt I'm looking at ;-) I think we both are greatful for that...
I thought I had fairly successfully made light of a "dark" situation. ;-( Perhaps not.
I am fine. Some days are better than others. Thank you both for your concern, but really, I am fine. I'm mostly just stir crazy.
Stella said...
You didn't check me for pin worms with a piece of scotch tape and a flashlight, but if I ever need that done, I know who to send for. You're the Pro!
Pauline said...
LOL. I never knew that was how that was done! Good information to know. You just never know when that will come in handy.
Perhaps I should get me some tape and a flashlight and go seek out people who are scratchers...
Stella, U R 2 Funny...