I have not posted in a couple of days, it seems. Maybe it’s been only one. It’s hard for me to tell what day it is sometimes on here. You write on one day but post the next. Perhaps it’s just getting harder to find something to say.
Lewy sleeps all day and all night. At least the last couple of days when he has been awake, he has been hungry and thirsty. It seems like he is taking in so much more food and fluids until you actually add it up. It just seems like a lot compared to the nothing he takes in on “bad” days.
I’ve taken to giving him his regular pills, which includes Seroquel at night. I’ve noticed that his normal meds just knock him out….All this time…3 years or so now…perhaps; I’ve just been putting him to sleep every day by giving him what the Drs. ordered. Who the Hell knows….
It’s very frustrating on so many levels that I am (we all are) dealing with the dementia and a long slow death, but that we have no clue about these drugs. Just like that gynecologist told me, before he almost killed me with drugs…”don’t be a silly woman, take the pills…”So I know from first hand experience, drugs and Drs are not necessarily what they are cracked up to be.
But this time it’s not my body, and I can’t feel what they are doing to Lewy. Lewy did refuse food for a while on the grounds it was making him drunk. No doubt it was the meds. I quit giving him his meds with his food and he quit complaining.
Several of my girl friends have come by to see me lately. I must be exhibiting the outwards signs of social neediness. One of them, a high school classmate also has her Mother to care for. (She is in early stages of dementia.) When she came by, she stopped at Daddy’s bedside and stroked his hair and his forehead ever so gently. She leaned over looked him straight in the eyes and talked to him. I stood in awe of her ability to communicate to Daddy who she was. He was fixated on her. He watched her every move.
Then my friend leaned over Daddy kissed him on the forehead and said “I love you.”
He said “I love you” back.
It was so simple. So easy. Perhaps my friend (also named Pauline) was just showing me the way.
Perhaps she was standing in for me. Getting it done for me. At least I heard those 3 little words, even if he was looking at her.
1 comments:
Stella said...
And who's to say, in his state of mind, that he did not think it was you? Or that it was meant for you? I believe it was meant for you. A person cannot love another unless he/she feels love all around. He knows he is loved, you have made sure of that, so he loves in return. He does love you even if he, as my mother did, chokes on the words to you.