Lewy slept all day except for waking up just enough to have some fluids squirted into his mouth and to groan once when the nurses aide substituting for our regular Yvonne, was bathing him. He hasn’t taken any of the available drugs other than his normal vitamin, zinc in mass quantities to heal the sores, and his few prescription drugs including his “Anti Crazy Pill”. There’s no need to call it that any more. Lewy doesn’t care anymore what the pills are. I crush them, he takes them in his yogurt.
He used to have names for all his pills so he could remember what they were for. “Anti Crazy Pill”; “No Pee Pill”; “Pee Better Pill”, “Walk Better Pill”. With these names Lewy could remember what he had taken, or missed, pretty well.
With Lewy sleeping all day there is not much to do. Clean up the kitchen, do laundry. Some office work. What I can’t do is get out of ear shot of Daddy; like a dog on a thirty foot retractable leash. At least I have gotten the front porch mostly cleaned up for spring.
So the day is fine; Right?
Wrong.
I don’t know why it is, but when Hubbie gets home, I flip out. I go silent on him. I get out of the house almost as soon as he walks in the door.
I want to be outside without my leash.
When it gets dark and I have to come in, I’m mad…not mad…irritated….no….maybe just crazy. I get emotional and irrational; a thing I cannot tolerate, so it pisses me off at me. Hubbie thinks I’m mad at him; (Maybe because he’s the only other conscious person in the room?)
He shouldn’t be so sensitive.
No…I shouldn’t be so sensitive.
I’m loosing my mind……Now what is it I’m mad about?........No!..... I’m not mad!.....I’m something, but I’m not mad.
Now that its time to go to bed, Lewy is waking up. He will want to talk about the business, and the ceiling fan. I’m not sure if he likes the fan or doesn’t like it; but it sure does attract his attention.
I need a nap. It’s been a hard day.
5 comments:
Anonymous said...
Dear Pauline,
Isn't it the saying that those closest to us bear the brunt of our mood? I think Hubbie can take it, as I'm positive you could also if the boot were on the other foot.
Forgive yourself, you need to vent sometimes
Kind regards
Dee
Hubbie said...
I love you girl.
How about I stay home tomorrow and you slip the leash and run for a while. Of course it is supposed to storm so I'll have to towel you off when you get home.
old friend said...
almost the weekend, Pauline. You can make it and then you'll feel the wind on your face...and a space of time for a tiny bit of freedom (thanks very much, Hubbie). And thank you, Pauline for HONEST, true writing.
kddove said...
I surely don't have all your problems, but I do definitely relate to the mad/irritated thing. But i cannot figure out why.... what am i so pissed about, and at whom? it's like i want everyone in the world OUT of my space... even my dad. i want to be able to come and go without any one to discuss it with, or feel i need to discuss it with. But i am sure hubbie gets it... just read what he writes!
Stella said...
Pauline, I detected a threat, or a veiled promise in the note from Hubbie. Isn't marriage fun?