Yesterday, being Saturday, I was allowed to get out of the house for a few hours. I had made arrangements with a friend across town to meet for lunch and to hang out for a while.
By the time 10:30 rolled around and it was time for me to leave, Lewy was still asleep in the recliner. Hubbie and I both was a bit puzzled by this, but not worried. It was a normal Lewy sleep, except for the not waking up in the morning part.
I had thought about waking Lewy and changing his pants but 1) I really didn’t want to do it, 2) I hated to wake him, and most importantly 3) I hoped that Hubbie might do it after I left to meet my friend. I managed successfully, and quickly, to rationalize not waking up Lewy.
It was a lovely day to get out and drive around. I met my friend; we ate lettuce wraps at P.F. Chang’s then did a driving tour of all the construction sites in town. Unfortunately I had to get back to my duties of going to the pharmacy for Lewy and the grocery store.
By the time I got back home it was about 4PM. Hubbie greeted me at the door along with the two dogs, Tweak aka Fuzzy Butt and Lila a pure bred mutt. We brought in the groceries, and Lewy was in his recliner sound asleep.
Hubbie, (bless him for letting me out) informed me that Daddy had been sleeping all day. He woke up just before I had arrived but had not gotten up at all. This is not good. It meant that objective # 3 had been totally and completely unsuccessful.
“He hasn’t been changed? (Oh hope against hope)
“Nope. You probably ought to go sniff, I think he is pretty wet.”
I approached Lewy in his recliner. He was snoring rather peaceful……gasp! Oh the smell. I think I have developed a keen sense of smell as it relates to pee. My fear is that those olfactory nerves have been permanently switched from say roses, or grilled steak, to pee. Do we have pee smellers or whatever they are called like we have selective taste buds?
But I digress. There was no excuse this time, I had to get Lewy up and get him cleaned up. I have 45 minutes before I am to leave yet again to meet friends from my high school graduating class, for an evening out. (You know you are old when your Saturday night evening out starts at 5:30). But I’m re-digressing.
“Daddy, Daddy, wake up.” ….He opened one eye…”Daddy I need to get you up so you can go pee.”
“I don’t need to go pee.”…..Yes, I’d have to agree…he probably would not need to pee, but the warm pee vapor wafting up from around had to go.
“Come on, let’s get up and get you cleaned up.” That confused Lewy. I should remember – no compound sentences….”Lets get up.” So with much effort I got Lewy standing holding onto the walker. I had to call Hubbie over to act as a spotter. The pee pad and towels Lewy were lying on had to be removed NOW. I pulled those up disposed of the pad and ran into the laundry room with the towels….Yeah! The washer was empty, thank you to the great pee gods in the sky…
Lewy still had not made a step toward the bathroom. So I took his walker and picked it up like he should and moved it about 6 inches. Lewy moved 6 inches. We repeated this procedure until we made it into the bath room.
Lewy was soaked. His sweatshirt was wet all the way up to his shoulder blades, and I mean wet, not damp. His pants were just hanging from the weight of the pee.
I took a deep breath and reached to grab the pants….oh *&^%#*& they are wet and warm…I’m going to Ralph right here. But I hung in there and got the pants and the diapers pulled down. When I cut the diapers off and went to carry them to the pail, they dripped. I had never had these super absorbents drip before…oh crap it’s all over the floor, a nice drip line from the bathroom to the diaper pail in the bedroom. Gross.
I must say though that grabbing his sweat pants that were drenched and having to wrestle them off his feet over his bandages, was indeed truly disgusting. It was bad enough to have to do one, but then there is that damn other leg to do. Come on Daddy, pick up your foot, please come on pick it up….please just pick it up...”
And the thought flashed through my head….again I’m here with my head under Lewy’s bare butt. This is getting to be a bad habit.
Now for the sweat shirt. There’s just no easy way to remove a soaked shirt with out rubbing the pee part all over the top of Lewy’s head. I got the shirt and the pants and ran to the washer with them, then straight to the sink to scrub my hands and arms.
After much coaxing I got Lewy to sit on the toilet so I could give him a good soapy sponge bath. Scrub Scrub rinse rinse. All nice and clean. “OK stand up.” Ummm Lewy had dropped a few dumplings. Lewy started reaching for the toilet paper (YEAH!!) and he carefully took off 1 sheet, and then tore it in half to use to wipe his butt. He reached around with this half sheet and stuck in it the right spot, and removed an empty hand. He took the empty hand and delivered the missing toilet paper to the trash can. (Long ago Lewy forgot that TP can be flushed, he puts all the toxic waste in a can now.).
There’s no choice, I have to go in. I got on my gloves, and went for the baby wipes. The first one; a good smear and the missing TP. Then the second one…Perhaps you recall me writing about the arm diameter turds Lewy has…but if not, I’m going to remind you…My dear friend, Niffer that cared for both her aging parents assured me that when you get old your butt muscles relax and you let loose these incredibly huge turds.
However, today we weren’t dealing with turds so much as the relaxed butt muscles. Did you know that when you wipe that relaxed anal opening that….uh…well…its kinda open….so unfortunately if you applying any pressure you find your finger up in there. OMG! My finger is in my Dads butt! Now I am going to be sick. The worst part is when you retrieve the wipe; you realize you have to go back again, and again, and again, and again…
OH THE HELL WITH THIS…. IT AIN’T EVER GONNA GET CLEAN!
1 comments:
Anonymous said... God bless you .