Hubbie here but this one may not be so funny. Pauline has written about her first time having to give Lewy a sponge bath. We both knew it was only a matter of time but dealing with a close relative in such intimate ways is not something for which you can really prepare yourself.
I don’t know if it’s the same for everyone but I remember when I was a kid and the kitchen sink got plugged I thought we should just get a new sink. No way in hell would anyone with a brain put their hand down that nasty hole. Then you grow up and the sink belongs to you. As a kid I figured that was how you knew that you were grown up. You put your hand down the sink and pulled out that wad of grease and hair with your bare hand. About the time I graduated from high school I found out there were worse places you might have to put your hand.
My senior year in high school my paternal grandfather had a stroke. Paternal decided that his kid’s should stay at his parent’s house to help take care of his father. Being the oldest sibling I got primary granddaddy duty. This lead to an intimate knowledge of granddaddy doody. I had to walk him to the toilet, sit him down and, when he was done, wipe his ass. I did my best to avoid the other appendages but, well, some things are inevitable. In Lewy’s case, he at least knows when he has taken a dump. After I wiped Granddaddy’s ass he would always look back and me and ask “Much action?”. Some days the answer was “Not too much.” Some days it was, “Oh my god. You couldn’t feel THAT coming out?”
Pauline is getting to have such fun later in her life. From where I sit, I’d say doing it that way is much harder. It is obviously much more difficult to deal with when it is a parent as opposed to a grandparent. And when the parent is of the opposite sex!........Jeeze! It’s amazing that your brain doesn’t just shut down. I heard a story on the radio the other day about a man whose mother is totally dependent on him. The only thing she can do is spoon soup into her mouth. He must bathe her and deal with all toileting. All I could think was, “Dude you are a great man!” I would do that if I had to but both of my sisters would have to be really dead first. There are just some things you should not have to see, much less touch.
So my question is this; If learning to deal with putting your hand in that nasty drain and pull out the slime inside makes you an adult, then what does being able to clean the genitals of your opposite sex parent make you? For god’s sake it ought to get you something! Some folks get to go thru life without having to deal with such a thing. Some folks simply refuse to do it thus forcing someone else to shoulder the responsibility. Collectively the latter are known as assholes. My guess is that fulfilling this particular obligation qualifies you as a fully fledged human being.
If by some freak chance God does actually exist and she, for any reason, denies you access to heaven after you have performed this act of love then my guess is that he refused to wipe his mother’s ass when his turn came. Pauline has proven her love.
For Pauline and all of the rest of you out there who deal with things you would never wish on another person I bow with deep respect and offer all the good vibes I can muster. If the time comes and no one else will wipe your ass, give me a call. (Mom, if you are reading this please call Linda or Ann first.)
Comments:
Denise said...
Yes, it does get you something; you're definitely going to Heaven.
February 17, 2008 1:07 PM