I’m sitting here at the foot of my Dad’s bed listening to his breathing. I’ve moved my laptop in to the living room where he is, because his breathing is no longer loud enough to hear in the next room. My nephew is asleep on the back porch after taking his watch from 10 PM to 3:30 AM. It suits me fine to get the early morning watch. I was so stressed and worn out yesterday; I went to bed as soon as Hubbie got home.
Bless my nephew…he cut the grass for me. Bless him again for being here. After Daddy passes, he will have only his maternal grandfather left. No parents, no siblings. Small families kinda suck at times like these. My nephew “Trey” is all the blood kin I have left on my dad’s side. On my mother’s side, there are dozens, but I would not know them if they pulled up in the driveway.
Daddy is breathing fairly regular now. Regular for a normal person. Regular for him is screaming loud snoring.
Oops…he just had one of those pauses…Funny how my breathing seems to want to pause with his. Then I get to focusing on his breathing, and my breathing pattern wants to change to match his. He is breathing faster than I am, about like I would be during an easy walk.
When Nurse Lindsey listened to Daddy’s breathing Monday morning, I saw her expression change. It was the change from “Hi! Here this is my friendly face to cheer you up” to her “Oh, geez, it’s time to tell her” face. Every muscle in her face dropped. It was incredibly subtle body language, I only had a profile view, but unmistakable. I knew that the last two of the final ten items had been confirmed.
Nurse Lindsey had brought along another nurse for today’s visit. I wonder if they do that for the pronouncement to the family day…or if it was just an routine dual visit, perhaps a new nurse to Hospice and was getting a first day tour…I know they talk in group meetings about each of their clients so they had to know from the Nurse’s Aide’s report from Monday that things were not good.
They were unable to get a BP reading off my electronic device. Nurse Lindsey got a 60/40 with the traditional method. The gurgling in his lungs no longer requires a stethoscope to hear. His skin is getting very pale. He no longer responds to me misting his open dried up mouth. I mentioned this to Lindsey, and she confirmed what I deduced from the last squirt, was that now, I must be careful doing that. It will go straight into his throat and just sort of linger there.
What ever position we’ve put him in since Saturday is exactly how he has remained until we rudely interrupt his peaceful sleep to tend to him. At this point, I’m not so sure I want the aide to clean him up, at least no more than absolutely necessary. It seemed to cause him so much anxiety and pain the last time….and for what?
We are waiting on a phone call from Hospice to tell us what to expect…a room at their center, or perhaps someone to help with the 24 hour vigil, or even a heart monitor would do. The Hospice people have been extremely concerned about the logistics of the actual death, pronouncement, and brain donation requirements. I cannot express how much I appreciate that they are fully involved in the donation and not just throwing it all back on us to deal with. They are trying to get Daddy a bed at one of their units in town. That way there would be someone 24/7 to pronounce him, and the transporters could have him on his way to Vanderbilt with in minutes, not hours, like it would be if he passes during the night out here in the woods. Either way, I think the brain will be OK, but fresher has got to be better, and with the forecast for the next few days, the less mileage to have to travel with the clock ticking the better.
The neighbor’s rooster just crowed. It is beginning to dawn outside, the summer birds are chirping away. Its going to be I think, one nice day before the storms.
3 comments:
kddove said...
i wonder if you can be a hospice volunteer with no medical experience... would you like for me to take a shift watching him?
old friend said...
I'm up, Pauline, keeping this vigil with you.
Stella said...
I am wondering what are your wishes. Do you want a bed in town, a heart monitor, or more help with watching him? I notice that my prayers are not for a particular thing but for what is best for you and Daddy. I know that will be the way it will work out. This net work of new found friends care about you.